My Girlfriend’s Dream for a Better Smile

Hey everyone, can I take 5 minutes of your time today, please?

Last night was rough in our house, but we received a lot of love and suggestions from some wonderful people. A few different people recommended that I start own of these and I finally mustered the courage to do so. She doesn’t know I did this (until now) and we don’t expect anything from anyone. But…sometimes we all need help and this time, it’s her. She deserves to have the smile she’s always wanted.

I am just asking you to take some time to read her story and keep us in mind over the course of this year. Can I ask you please help me share this to get some words out? I can only go so far with my social links. I really appreciate it. I won’t take up any more of your time but thank you for the time you have already given us. 💕

https://www.gofundme.com/chauncey039s-implant-surgery

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Wicked Poison (Political)

Can we get political? No? Too bad, this is my blog.

There is a poison in the white house. It is slowly infecting the walls on which we built everything in this country. It seeps through the president’s fingers onto everything he touches, every word he speaks. 

Yes. This is President Trump’s fault, but also it is the fault of religion. The evangelicals are taking over this nation in such a sad and negative way. What happened to “Separation of Church AND State?” What happened to the pride of this nation? 

If you can’t separate yourself from your religion to make educated decisions on the entire population in this country, then you have NO right to hold a place in office. 

Have an opinion without following the text written from a possible magical being in the sky. You can trace most political arguments back to religion and, most importantly, Christianity.

Why are the republicans so against abortion? Because the bible tells them so.

Why do they want to slowly strip the rights of anyone within the LGBTQ+ community? Because the bible told them it’s wrong.

Why do they want to cancel Planned Parenthood? Because the bible tells them contraceptives are a sin. 

You think I don’t know the bible and every word written in it? I spent years in the evangelical cult. Years studying the bible. Caught in the cross hairs, unable to find my way around the trip wires to freedom.

You know why I didn’t come out until I moved away from it all? Because I feared my life. I feared the community. I didn’t come out as gay because my entire home town community is extremely religious. Religion puts a lot of fear into a lot of people’s hearts, making them turn cold to a world that turned their back on them.

Have you forgotten about all the passages that talk about love? That talk about community? Do you think Jesus would beat down someone’s will to live just because he disagreed with how they were doing it? Do you think he would tell people coming here for safety and protection to leave? “Yeah, love one another but ONLY if they agree with you and live their life like you” Yeah, what a fucking joke. Did you forget all the preaching about love?

“And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34)

“Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

“My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” (1 John 3:18)

“Be under obligation to no one—the only obligation you have is to love one another. Whoever does this has obeyed the Law.” (Romans 13:8)

If you choose to follow religion, you can’t just pick at the bible, like a chicken pecking at it’s food. You have to embrace the whole idea. Your hate is a sin. Your condemning of people who are unlike you, IS A SIN. You are not spreading love. You are not showing the community love. You are not better than anyone else. You are throwing your bible at their faces and going “Here! Big man in sky hates you and your decisions!” 

I believe there are good christians out there. I believe that there are people who actually love one another and don’t hate. I have met a few religious people who actually follow the word of god with love and kindness. If you want to follow a religion, go for it. It is your life and I am not here to try to tell you that you can’t live it freely. My main point is, don’t let it beat others down. Don’t let the government base monumental decisions off what the bible says. We have freedom of religion for a reason and because we have that, we have separation of church and state FOR A REASON.

No one has to right to tell me who I can marry. No one has the right to tell me what I can do with my own body. 

You want to spread the word of god? Try spreading love first. Try listening to other people first. Try becoming a well-rounded christian who welcomes and accepts people of all nationalities and sexuality. Embrace them instead of hating. 

Your hatred for anyone who is unlike you is bleeding over the skin of everyone in this nation. We are an open wound that someone keeps prying open instead of letting it heal. Welcome people who come here for safety. Welcome your gay neighbor. Welcome your trans sister. Welcome everyone in your hearts and stop hating. 

We need to realize that politics is NO place for religion. There is no reason for it. We are no longer the country people fought for. We are failing. We are drowning and the evangelicals are holding our heads underwater, trying to get us to call “Uncle!” 

Guess what? We won’t. We won’t stop fighting. Even when things are hopeless and there is nothing left to fight for, we will continue to fight. 

Get your “god” out of my senate. Get your “god” out of my house. Get your “god” out of the white house. You think non-believers have an agenda. You seem to have an agenda that spreads hate. That spread violence.

Your god can’t tell me who to love.

Your god can’t tell me what I can and can’t do with my body.

Follow religion all you want, knock yourself out, but leave it to yourself. 

There is a poison in the white house and it’s going to take everyone with it. I hope it takes you down too. You are a traitor to this country. You are betraying everything we were built upon. 

Shame on you.

….

Come back.

My heart is beating after you. My feet want to track you, run after you.

Don’t leave.

You press your body against mine and everything come alive like it’s for the first time. Every touch from your fingers ignites my every nerve. Like I forgot I had feeling there….like I forgot that part of me existed. I knew my skin could feel love, it must’ve at some point before, but the world filled my pores with its abuse and then laminated it to me. My skin turned black underneath the surface, but your touch electrifies them. Your touch takes away the darkness, the pain. I think the only thing that can truly heal pain, is love and that’s the most beautiful part of being alive. Every part of my body starts to crave it. Every part of me wants your love to spread over its darkness. You are my sunshine. My beautiful ray of sunshine.

Your lips press against mine and the only word my brain can think of is “My beautiful.” Your kiss sends my heart flying, but your touch makes my feet steady on the ground. Your eyes glisten back at me in a mischievous loving way. Like you can’t wait to get into some trouble on an adventure with me.

They don’t want to leave either.

So stay here. Stay a little while longer here with me. 

Don’t leave. 

Falling to Fail

(Depression cloud rant)

Quick! Find your footing.

Everything shakes underneath my feet.

Quick! Find your balance.

Like an unsteady heartbeat.

Jump! You barely made it.

I feel like a failure. A failure to everyone I have ever known. A failure to everyone I will meet. Every crooked, wacky, and painful part. 

I have no wish to die, but my brain is fighting it’s own song. I am so happy to be alive, but my body creaks with each step.

I think what I am the most mad about is how much I have failed myself.

 I destroyed my own body years ago and the damage from it is lasting. I starved every good living cell in my body to the point of destruction

I have this nagging sense that I won’t ever amount to anything. Maybe I won’t. Some people are just built to stand on the sidelines and that’s okay. I guess I just feel mediocre. Where is my purpose? I’ve tried everything in the books and nothing stuck. Nothing interested me, nothing sparked. There is a wire loose in my brain I keep trying to fix with electrical tape, but it gets drowned out by the blood in my ears, so it never sticks. 

It doesn’t help that my hands seem to carry a poison. A poison that gets into cracks of everything they touch. Always failing me, always taking the wrong step.

I love my life. I have nothing to be depressed about. I have nothing to feel like this about, but I do. I love my woman. I just…feel mundane. Boring. And what if others start to think that way too? What then…? I like my life to be boring, I like doing nothing, but I am not anything special and that’s what’s bothering me. I’m so angry at myself. These medical appointments are dragging me down into a dangerous abyss of self hatred. 

After all, how do you fix a soul that’s already been turned so black by the debris around your past? How do you undo the damage? I am happy, but also sad. Sad that I keep messing up. Sad that I can’t do things the same.

I love my life, I am fine. My girlfriend and I are fine. This is me. My own brain…slicing into me with a machete. 

I’ve been trying to find it, but it’s like trying to catch a piece of cotton in the wind. 

1….2….3….GO!

I’ve decided I need to step out of my comfort zone more with my writing as I have been gaining readers and I want to write for all.

For here on out, I will be trying to upload new posts every week. Got any topics you want me to write on or hear me rant about? Comment below! I would love to branch out more. Of course, I will stay true to my passion of writing about life and mental illness. I will continue to post what I want, when I want. But, give me a prompt I have to follow if you are feeling spunky 😉 Got something on your mind? Political rants? Want to hear thoughts about LBGT+ or got questions about my life? I am all ears (and fingers.)

Want to hear a song about a certain topic? Let us know! My girlfriend can work magic with anything. (You can find her music in the tabs on top)

Give me a follow for a chance to interest you? As always, I can be available by email (sgiddley64@gmail.com) or if you message me I can give you my number, I am always just a quick slide away.

Check This Out!

Hey Lovelies,

I recreated my entire blog today. Give it a look through?  I would greatly appreciate it!

I decided to add a separate page for random blurbs that ignite my fingers for book excerpts, check them out here! https://fingerprintsontheroof.wordpress.com/excerpts-from-the-book-ill-never-write/

My beautiful woman is an upcoming artist. Give her music a look over? This is the link to my page with the links to her social media. I will also be updated posts here as she writes new songs. Two songs posted on here if you hover on my main page, and that’s just a small preview.  https://fingerprintsontheroof.wordpress.com/textsialmostsentyou/