General Trigger Warning: Post may contain images and words you may not want to read about graphic sexual assault and demoralizing women.
“It’s just boys being boys right?” “It’s just locker room talk, it’s completely harmless.” Many of you have heard these statements or say them yourselves, pushing away the notation of how wrong these can sound. Pushing away the notation of how normalized talk like this has become. These phrases all help play into something that is sadly growing in today’s society, Rape Culture.
[I see everyday people come forward about their experiences and being so incredibly brave. It is time for me to come even more forward on Facebook. Thank you to everyone who has been following me from day 1, it is time to show all of you that it is okay to step forward. Your story desereves to be heard. You have a story. So….] For those who don’t know My Last Secret….about abuse.
That is right everyone. Rape Culture does exist and you are either the problem or part of the solution. But what is rape culture? There tends to be a lot of grey matter surrounding the term. WAVAW define rape culture as “Jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.”” Okay, cool….but what does this mean in relevance to everyday life. Just a few examples in today’s social media….
These posts are not funny and shame on you if you laughed when you read them. Shame on you. We need to stop seeing rape culture as some magical unicorn. Stop seeing it as a notation that some crazy people think exists, stop seeing it as a figment of your imagination. There is nothing magical or rare about this.
Rape culture is being like raped everyday while being forced to laugh. When I first came to attend La Crosse, I had this crazy notation that I was escaping the “small town” talk. The sexual harassment that I saw and heard everyday in my high school and town was immense. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know my past and history. I thought the presence of the horror of rape culture would die down and I could finally be safe. I was absolutely wrong. Within my first year, I was appalled by the amount of derogatory comments and male dominance that I witnessed not only at drunken parties, but even around the campus. The side comments the guys make about so and so’s ass. Or “so and so’s boobs.” “Oh those legs.” “That ass.” “I’d fuck her.” The comments such as….”yeah, I’ll just put a bag on her head and fuck her,” “Well, I asked and I think she said yes,” “Dude, I fucked her so hard last night” and so on…you know how it goes. I still had this crazy notion that I could escape it. That I could be immune to it. Once again, I was very very wrong. At different parties I have experienced many different comments thrown at me, once even being approached rudely by someone.
Still think that rape culture is harmless? Every action has an equal opposite reaction.(Okay, hate me I did just insert a Hamilton lyric reference, but it’s true) There is a sense of empowerment that men feel because they can get away with these sayings every single day. People don’t bat an eye. People don’t sit there and go “now….wait sir that is just inappropriate” You know what rape culture aids? Yeah, you guessed it. Rape. Sexual assault. I should know. My freshman year I was attacked for the 6th time, this time on campus. I was walking home and I was attacked from behind. He grabbed my neck and waist and held me there trying to take my pants off. Luckily (can I even say luck anymore?) he was so drunk and I was able to struggle away. Some of you may be asking the basic question…”Was she drunk?” “What was she wearing?” “Why was she alone?” The answer? It. Does. Not. Matter. It doesn’t matter if I was by myself ,walking down the street stark naked, and drunk off my ass. None of those factors says “Yes, please come attack me. I am so asking for it.” I didn’t really tell anyone about this happening, only a few really knew about it. This was one of the many cases I have experienced.
Thought I could forget. But how could I when I go to a public university that men (can I even call them men?) okay, boys get kicks and giggles about this….
We live in a world where guys think this shit is funny. Where this content is “just a joke” and shouldn’t make the girls on campus “be afraid to be alone.” It is the acts like this that promote rape culture. Will I hide their identity? Absolutely not. Men who do these acts are not allowed to have the privilege to hide behind blacked out name bars or blurred lines. The campus did take the necessary steps to calm the campus, but why should they have to? Isn’t it sad that this is something we have to teach young adults? Isn’t is sad that we have to tell boys that these comments are not okay. They are not funny. And they are downright disgusting.
Let’s talk about one last thing that I have been holding my breath on. Donald Trump. Yup. Here we go. What is this “locker room” talk he is trying to defend? One….THIS IS NOT LOCKER ROOM TALK. Many athletes have com forward about this…
Trump is brushing the talk such as “grab her right in the pussy,” as some small talk. As in it is like saying hello or goodbye to someone. Like a greeting to an old friend.
Do we really have a person in this country that promotes rape culture this much and that has gotten as far as he has in this election? Someone who could possibly run this country that objectifies and demoralizes women as much as he does. I have never been more ashamed and hurt by my own country.
This wasn’t meant to be an overly political post, but it ties in to this election so well. Do what you think is right America, I sure hope you can tell the difference.